I decided I needed to come up with a list of things to do for people in Spokane so they don't go around, and...I don't know...break into people's cars and steal things. I admit, every now and then when I'm really riled up about something (let's say when certain transient felines leave unwanted deposits in my yard) I could almost understand why someone might do something illegal...almost. But then this thing called a CONSCIENCE kicks in and I realize that I'd never get away with i...err, I mean, that it wouldn't be the right thing to do.
So here are a few suggestions to those people of Spokane who have nothing better to do than commit immoral and illegal acts:
1) Start a book club. I'll even suggest authors for you. Chaim Potok. J.K. Rowling. C.S. Lewis. Dr. Seuss. Assuming you crime committers know how to read, this is an enjoyable and beneficial thing to do. Heck, you could even get a library membership FOR FREE! You might even learn somethin!
2) Herd pesky neighborhood cats. Enough said.
3) Sleep. Since I'm assuming that my car was broken into in the wee hours of the morn', most people would be sleeping at this time. I suggest you give this a try. And no, that doesn't mean I support committing crimes during the daytime hours. Nice try.
4) Get a job. If you are looking to score some extra cash to get your fix or buy the latest Taylor Swift CD, apply to your local fast food joint like the rest of us responsible Americans and work the 9-5. It's not that hard.
5) Invest in, plant, water and grow some morals and realize that things don't belong to you for a reason. This, too is free...and beneficial.
That's all I can come up with before my suggestions start going south and hinge on becoming a wee bit violent and involve a plethera of profanities. Having said everything, I do realize (and truly am greatful) that my car was not actually stolen. Praise God in Heaven. And I am also thankful that my Nalgene bottle was left unscathed and I can (potentially) replace my CD player and my phone charger and my bluetooth and my 60+ CDs...when I have this thing called money. But the thing I have to fight back tears about is the loss of my favorite pair of sunglasses (they only cost me $5! A true treasure that I fear can never be replaced) and my Dutch Bros. passport for $1 drinks (because I sure could use a frickin latte right about now).
Feel free to share your suggestions of things to do for those who might be considering stealing things.
4 comments:
That has always been my mantra, thieves suck. I know, deep right?
I think they should get as shabby lookin as possible and then start attending all the programs for homeless people. I'm pretty sure you can score lots of free swag that way.
AW! Meg, that totally sucks! I can't believe someone stole your stuff....well I guess I can believe it - we live in ghetto town ;)
Did they take THE $5 sunglasses....the ones we got at the same time???
Seriously, your dutch Bros card????.... that is beyond despicable! Aside from the cd player, and of course ALL the cd's .....you were almost done with the card and onto your free mug! :(
glad your car's still there though!!!!
i was laughing so hard i forgot how serious the issue was. well written...very well written.
sean
Top ten things for a thief to do to hang up his hat:
10) join a book club (as suggested), I would also like to add Nancy Drew's collection as well as umm the bible.
9) videotape 'dancing with the stars' and practice
8) since i know its hard to quit a habit the first time and their might be some 'lapses' of some sort, when you do give in to that pesky little urge; go robin hood and give it to someone less fortunate...i.e. the person you stole it from.
7) join a gymnastics class...even if you get the urge to steal something there, what's a couple of pole vaults and a couple of rings going to do for you...not much demand for that on the black market.
6) If you feel the urge to steal, shoot yourself in the face.
5) apologize to everyone that you have stolen from, that'll sober you up
4) Getting a fast food job was already mentioned, might I suggest one....How about starting a taco truck? There are so few around here, and I really think that there is a good market for them. and no I am not making any racial correlation between stealing and our friendly Spanish/Mexican friends....they just have fantastic food.
3) Join a service, for the spading, neutering and killing of small transient felines....better yet, just steal them..you have the okay there.
2)Become an owl researcher, sounds like the aforementioned criminal has trouble sleep at night, so lets turn that durn little insomnia into something useful. if owls don't suit your liking their are plenty other nocturnal animals such as the Zorilla, Wombat, Three-Toed Sloth, Okapi, Naked Mole-Rat (fits those theif/perverts perfectly!), or probably the cutest of all the Kiwi.
#1!) Steal something from yourself, and put it where you can never get to it, or see it again. And then blog about it.
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